Rise of the Lunatics
by Jill-of-hearts
Summary: This is based after The Dark Knight. It includes several comic villains but it is an alternate universe. What would happen if Harley wasn't simply a love sick tool? But an equal in Joker's eyes. This creates a possible background for Harley and Joker.
1. Chapter 1

Samantha Carson was a good cop and, to say the least, multi-talented. She had grown up with her mother, father and three brothers. Her mother was a nurse, her father a cop, the oldest boy had been a mechanic, the second oldest a gun nut gone military as an EOD specialist, and the younger boy a proficient computer hacker. Samantha had learned all she could from each before joining the police force, including basic fighting which was refined in her training.

Sam had medium red hair (refer to Willow from Buffy) and deep green eyes. She was tall and slender with average muscle tone, due to years of gymnastics. When she joined the Gotham Police she gained muscle due to training and constant personal work. After having proved herself a more than capable officer she was transferred by personal request. Duty placed her in Arkham Asylum as a guard in one of the most dangerous cell blocks. The block she was assigned to was the current home of the recently apprehended Joker. The newly appointed commissioner, Jim Gordon, had found her capable of the task. It was overnight shifts which should have been easy enough to handle.

This was before she was discovered missing and presumed dead after a prison break, resulting in Joker's escape. Our story begins here. Arkham Asylum, one month after The Joker's apprehension.

"Arkham is more than just it's own island, Sam. It's like it's own little world. Isolated from the city by two rocky coasts and the only natural harbors available are separated by thirty miles and only light craft can make the trip due to the... Wildlife. Dropping someone into Arkham has been the equivalent in this town to kicking them out of the city, and existence for those who never come back." Jim Gordon had known this girl for years. Watched her grow up. Heck, she was as much his daughter as she was his old partner's. "I've had my say on how I feel about this assignment, but it went through. You will report for duty next Friday. I recommend getting out there at least once to get a feel for the place, make sure you can do the job. You've got a lot of training in you. More than you might realize. I have faith in your talents to get you back from that sinkhole. Do us all proud, girl."

Having the safety of his closed off office, the only place she would ever treat him as anything other than the commissioner. "I understand what I'm up against, sir. I'm ready to take this by the horns." she paused for a second. "Thanks for the chance, Uncle Jim." a small smile touched her lips.

This was the scene that replayed in her head as the boat reached the island. She climbed out, thanked its captain and headed to the building described in her assignment. When she reached the guards she showed her badge. "Officer Samantha Carson, newly assigned. I need to speak with your C.O."

"That'd be Warden Barlin, ma'am." The guard was obviously at her chest from behind the card. Then, he smiled widely and handed the card back. "Welcome aboard, Samantha."

She took back her badge. "Mind retrieving him for me? Might as well make yourself useful since you have so much time to stare."

That made him blush and he scratched his neck and chuckled. "Sorry, ma'am. Couldn't help it. I'll get you a ride up to the facility." He spent about half a minute on his radio. "Should be here in a few minutes. Can I offer you some water while we wait?"

"No thank you. Think I've had my fill just getting out here."

"No kidding." He looked her over again, this time not so much sexually, but as someone getting a feel for how dangerous someone felt. "If you didn't have that little smirk, you could be pretty scary."

"I hope a lesson learned before making unprofessional actions."

"Hey, low-blow. Guess I kinda had it coming, though. How'd you like academy? GCPD still go to the paintball match before graduation?"

She grinned. "Was similar to BMT, from how my brother described it. And yes, they still go. I graduated some time ago, but they still do it."

He nodded as some headlights appeared. "I got away with the worst of it my year. This is you, though. Be careful with this one. Miller can be a pain at times. Sorry about, well, you know. Earlier."

She nodded. "Keep your head on straight. Thanks for the help." She went to the vehicle, got in and allowed introductions and idle chatter during the ride. The sooner she finished with the guards the better. She just wanted to report to Barlin and get to work. This was the biggest assignment she'd been given, she didn't want to let down the commissioner nor her father. In a few minutes, she stood outside the warden's office. His secretary, a peppy blonde, had phoned him and his thin frame came up to the glass.

"Ah, there's Miss Carson." He held out a hand to her. "How'd you like the trip out? Gotham Bay isn't too choppy tonight, is it? I hardly get to leave."

She took his hand. "Not too bad, sir. Enough to shake someone who isn't used to boating." She carried her hat under her left arm as she spoke.

"Well, come on, I'll give you a tour of the place." And he did. From the guard towers to the cells, she had been shown all the ins and outs of the compound. Then it was back to the administrative area to get her in the system. She knew she's need to know everything about the island. The tour was a good start, but should anything happen... well, she wanted to be prepared. She waited patiently for her in processing to finish. Her badge was finally handed to her as was her assignment, which that night was easy. She walked the block, making sure everyone was sleeping. At the very least quiet. As she passed each cell she took a moment to take in appearances, she'd go through bio files later. She finally peered in on Joker. Matted green hair, long scars on his face. This was the serial killer no one wanted her around back in Gotham. It was a dangerous case a month or two ago. Poor dent, all those officers and civilians. She wouldn't end up like them. She turned and started off down the rest of the block. At one door, the inmate threw up, some of it splattering on her uniform.

She paused briefly before moving on. Meeting with one of the other guards she asked "He sick or just problematic?" as she attempted to clean off her uniform. The smell was horrid, but she managed to remove most of it.

"Depends on who you ask. If I had to eat the gruel they serve here, personally, I'd puke it up all the time too." He gestured in a direction. "They have spare uniforms in the locker rooms."

"Thanks. Cover me a minute." She hurried off to change. To her distaste, the only available uniform was a little tight. It fit, to her curves, but it was clean. She went back to her post. On the way back, she'd receive a number of cat-calls and lewd propositions from the inmates. One in particular stood out to her, because it wasn't rude.

It was Joker's voice that stood apart. "I liked the other look. Personally, a girl should leave something to surprise me with."

She continues on, her baring never wavered. However, Joker's remark had intrigued her. Either he was being genuine or mocking her, she didn't know. But she had to be careful around him. When she reached her post, she noticed the guards eying her. "Stop staring, and not a god damned word."

The rest of the shift went by with little incident, as none of the other guards seemed to want her to come to harm. Her relief in the morning, however, was an hour late. The late release didn't bother her. Since she couldn't leave the island, work and research would be probably the only thing to keep her mostly sane. Joker, noticing that she wasn't as droll as the usual guard that came through here, decided she'd be one to watch.

Once finally off duty, she instantly washed her uniform. The lingering smell of puke wasn't her most favorite of smells. From there, she did some geological research on the island before finally turning in to be fresh for the next night's shift. She'd find that much of the island was hard stone, and a network of caverns and sewers that interconnected. No maps would be open to the public, naturally, but she may be able to find something in the asylum archives.

The next night she was up, dressed, and doing a sweep 20 minutes before her shift was to start. She wanted to see what she'd need to finish what the previous guard may have failed to do. The cell block was a hair's width from anarchy. The guard was hanging out in one of the cells, while the inmates were doing as they pleased. The only one sitting calmly was the one with the scared over ear to ear grin. She walked over to the guard, kicked the chair out from under him and overturned the table. "Ya got some fucking nerve." A Jersey accent appeared in her voice. She turned to the inmates, a flame in her eyes." Get back where ya belong! All a ya!" She turned back to the floored guard. "I got half a mind ta report ya. But I don't think somethin' like this'll happen again, will it?"

"Definitely one to watch." Joker's grin doubled as he watched the guard on the floor plead like the finger of God was flicking him off. Sam supervised the "clean up" as all the inmates settled down. She walked the block once, noticing Joker's good behavior, she continued on and logged in for her shift.

Over the next several months, things went normally. Well, as normal as they can be for an asylum. Joker had something new to say to her almost everyday. He hardly said much of anything, but he always spoke to her. She wouldn't give him the benefit of a response, but after quite some time, she was starting to quiver. Her faith in the justice system was failing. It was December, and Sam was prepared for leave. She had arranged as soon as she got there to be able to go home for Christmas. The day could not have gone worse. The inmates were worse than usual, and the guards were in a foul mood. Many of them were staying on the island, some of them haven't been home in quite a while. She was walking the block before lights out when she passed by a disgruntled Joker. He hadn't seen nor heard her coming. He was talking to himself and Sam managed to hear him say "Sometimes I just want to lock them all in and burn the place down."

As she passed she answered with, "You're not the only one." It was the only response he'd ever gotten from her. Before he could say anything back, she was already down the hall.

"So," he thought. "She was listening all along." The next day, she was gone.

A few weeks later she'd finally return. Joker hadn't seen her yet but was ready to see her again. She was interesting, a like mind he could possibly relate to, if not mold to his will. That evening, he sat there sharpening a pencil in his cell. He only looked up when he heard mayhem start up. He hadn't set up anything, so naturally he got up to see what was going on. Full blown chaos had erupted. Guards were trying to take control of the situation but seemed unable to control the mass riot of inmates. Moments later, his door opened. Samantha was standing there in uniform, completely unharmed. "C'mon, we gotta go." She knew they had some time to spare, the riot was all throughout the asylum. However, she didn't want to waste time. The sooner they left, the better.

He grabbed her, pulled her close and held the razor he was sharpening his pencil with to the corner of her mouth. "Hello," He paused. "Beautiful. Wanna know how I got these scars?" Sure she'd let him out, and she was interesting enough. But he was free now. What did he need her for?

She stared at him, eyes locked on his, her face serious. "You can tell me later, we ain't got time for this."

He blinked. "Oh, well. Let me get my things." He grabbed his pencil and followed her out. "You were planning a later?" She didn't answer as they fought their way through the riot. Anyone that got in their way they killed so no one could tell what happened.

She led him through tunnels and caves, across the bay and into dry clothes. She'd had scuba gear stowed and ready just for this. But why? Guiding him through Gotham's slithering underbelly, they arrive at the warehouse district. She take shim down a side street and to a back door. She enters and waits for him to enter, then closes the door behind him. Light filled the room with sudden force. Once his eyes adjusted, he was able to see a picture window overseeing an old club. The room was now recognizable as an office furnished like the kitchenette and living room of an apartment. Sam tossed her hat and coat to the side and plopped onto the couch, crossing her legs. "Dere's food, first aid and enough ammunition to supply a small platoon in Iraq for months. And it's all completely under the radar."

"You're worth keeping around. I just decided."

"Well, that's good news for me." She grinned. "So, about those scars."

"How about show and tell? You can go first." He absently chewed on his cheek.

"Well in that case, this might take a while."

She went on to point out and explain various scars. Gun shots, knives, glass, dogs, tazers, riots, shootouts, the list went on. At one scar on the side of her ribcage he stopped her. "Didn't I give that one to you?"

"Yea. Third week in. Was forced off duty for a few weeks." The scar was almost a foot long and half a centimeter across. "There's a few others, but they're from rough and tumble when I was a kid. Nothing interesting." She almost had to fully strip just to show all her battle marks from her service with GCPD.

"Playin hard to get with those, hm? Well be that way." He goes to show her all of his own, save the ones hidden by the boxers he wasn't wearing, those he left unexplained. "So, what's on the T.V.?"

"It's basic cable, so not much I'm sure. The news might be on."

"Well then, let's tap into the misinformation super highway." He flipped through three separate "skinimax" channels before hitting the nightly news. It took a few days before anything came up about the Arkham riot. "Hey, Mistah Jay. They're talkin' about the riot at Arkham." The news cast went on to mention that Joker was on the loose and a guard had gone missing and is pressumed dead. Sam's face came up on the screen. "_The family is planning the service for a week from tomorrow in Samantha's memory._"

"Aww. How predictably sweet. Wanna crash your own funeral?"

"Would be best if I didn't. They'll all want to know how I escaped, etc. They'll know I helped ya then. I couldn't put them through that along with fakin' my own death. What good am I to ya in jail?"

"I'm beginning to wonder what good you could be for me where ever. Because right now, you're like me. Tabula Rasa, blank slate. No history but the one you choose for yourself. Question is, 'Who do you want to be'?"

"At this point, Mistah Jay, I think the real question is 'who can't I be anymore'? Then followed by 'who _can_ I be'? _Want_ is a luxury in my current state of death."

"Well put. Get back to me when you get it figured out."


	2. Chapter 2

Sam had been gone almost a week. There was no word of her, which was good. During her absence, Batman had been searching for any signs or leads on the Joker. He had finally spotted the rumored warehouse and had gone in searching. He'd found what he was looking for. By this point, Samantha had arrived back at the club. Not finding Joker, she went to the warehouse next door and noticed it was disrupted. She silently investigated. Hearing a scuffle and voices, she picked up a lead pipe and headed toward the noise. She entered a room to find Batman pinning Joker to the ground. She crept over and swung the pipe, one handed, against Bat's head. She rested it on her shoulder with a hand on her hip as he toppled over. "Only one person's allowed ta mount Mistah Jay, and it ain't you." She had fashioned a red and black corset, black fitted tux jacket with rhinestones, black slacks, boots with a red heart on the outside, red and black choker with a comedy mask charm, and a black Fedora also adorned with rhinestones. Her hair was black with red streaks and her face was painted. Her hands were covered with red and black lace gloves.

"Well, hello there." He rolled to his feet and kicked Batty over. "You know, you really ought to look into getting a partner in crime. I mean, we've been doing this service to this fair city of Gotham for how long now? And look how it's rewarded me! Wonder what you can get..."

She prodded Batman in the side with the pipe. "Should we see if the bat can fly?"

Joker shook his head. "Be more fun to keep the toy around instead of throwing it away." He stamped his foot, projecting the hidden blade in his shoe and kicked him. He grinned over at the woman. "So, what do I call _you_?"

She curtsies, the lead pipe still in hand. "Miss Harley Quinn at your service. But _you_ can call me whatever ya want, Puddin."

"Then I'll tell ya what. I'll take out the trash. You can tidy up around here. Our guest kind of made a mess of things."

"You got it Mistah Jay." She started clearing the area of evidence of the scuffle.

As Joker carried Batman out of the place and to the dumpster, he chatted with the near unconscious Batman. "You know, Bats, I like that one. I think I'll keep her around. Just picture the things I can do with her. Mind _and_ body. And, oh, what a body! Do you think we'd have some cute kids? I think so. Well, Bats, here's your stop." With no further ceremony, he drops Batman in the dumpster. "Oh, and it's a good thing she knocked you offa me when she did. Don't need ya gettin' embarrassed with feelings of inadequacy."

When he arrived back in the office, "Harley" was sipping on a soda through a straw. When he closed the door she walked out from behind the counter and turned. "So, what'cha think, Mistah Jay?"

"Of your debut performance? It was a knock-out. Much like that outfit. Though, it'd look better on the floor."

She giggled. "Mistah Jay, please. You're makin me blush."

He grinned. "'Please' as in 'stop', or 'please' as in 'continue'?"

"'Please' as in 'you flatter me'. But take it as ya will."

"So, uh, about this 'mounting' business..."

"Ya want that ta be business or pleasure?" She smirks. "Just seemed like the right thing to say at the time."

Oh, it was right. Very," He paused to lick his lip. "...right. But I don't know if I should take you up on it or not. Just the thing, isn't it. For once, I actually want to be a gentleman about things."

"Well, Mistah Jay, ya've always done what'cha pleased on yer own agenda. Why should this be any different?" She smiles. "Though, I do feel sorry for the bat. Think he needs to be mounted himself."

"I've offered, but I guess I'm not his type. May hap he'll be inspired to find his own buxom blushing beauty."

"So what's _your_ type, Mistah Jay? Tall, dark, and handsome? Preferably with a mask?"

"I'll be honest, the mask works for me, dark too. But tall? No, don't wanna tippy toe for a kiss. But if you're looking to apply for the position, I think you'd pass the interview. Not too sure about the probationary period, though..."

"Is that so?" Her hands attached to her hips. "And why's that?"

"Can't tell yet if you have the right killer instinct."

"I'd have sent Bats out the window had you let me."

"NO!" He blinked. He was so close to her, it was almost a roar. "Bats must survive. He's the city's shining hero. Their symbol of hope. He and I need one another or all of this falls apart. He wants to inspire people to greatness. He doesn't realize though, not like _I_ do, that nothing inspires hope like mass despair, courage like pandemic fear, heroism without horror. And so, I will bring them horrors so he can show them his 'hope'. Because 'normal' people need the contrast for their clarity. So, he'll inspire them, and I'll horrify them. Between the two of us, they'll decide for themselves what to do with the line in the sand between us." He slowly closed his eyes and licked his lip before opening them again. "Anyone else is free game though."

She simply stared at him, unflinching. Listening to his logic. Her admiration for his genius was renewed since Arkham. She only spoke once he was finished. "This is why ya don't belong in Arkham, Puddin. You're not crazy, your genius. Infallible logic that the 'norm' have yet to open their eyes to." She approached him and circled around him as she spoke. She wraps her arms around him, her chin on his shoulder. "I think a wake up call is in order."

"Funny you should put it like that. I have an idea."

"Oh, do tell, Mistah Jay, do tell. That is unless it's a secret." She traced a circle on his shoulder with her finger.

"It'll take a bit. Maybe a deal or two... But let's see what happens when we pull the plug on Gotham."

She walks back to the counter for her soda, her fingers lingering, till her reach denied her contact, on his shoulder. "Well if ya need any help..."

"Oh, I'm sure I can find some ways you could assist me." A slow smile, almost a grimace, appeared. "In fact, let's go for a drive." At the mention of a drive, she left her soda forgotten on the counter and followed him out of the hidden office and into the city. Once they hit the streets, he looked around. "Car shopping. Find what you like, I'll get it for you."

After a moment of looking, a sleek shiny piece of metal was coming up the road. She smirked and flagged him down. Once the car stopped, she approached the driver's window and leaned on the door, her tits in the car. "Beautiful machine ya got here. She new?"

His eyes slid over to hers, took in her face, tits, arms, went back to her tits briefly, and finally settled back on her eyes. "Yea, just got her off the lot a week ago. You got a good eye for cars."

She smiles. "When ya live with a mechanic for years, ya gain appreciation for fine art." She gently glides her hand across the finish. "Mind if I get a peek under the hood?"

He smirked, unlocking the passenger door. "Me first."

She pouted. "Please? Just a quick one? Then you can take your time." She glided her fingers across his arm.

"What guarantee do I get you won't run?"

"How does a mechanic know he's gonna get paid?"

"Alright, I trust ya."

He pops the hood and she smiles before going over, hitching the hood and leaning in to look over the new parts. When he came around to join her, she turned and leaned back against the grill. "What a piece of work. She's somethin else. You're a lucky guy."

"Not yet. But if you'd join me for a spin, I'd feel very lucky. "He looked from her lips to her cleavage again.

She smiles, turns and drapes her arms around his neck. "A promise is a promise. Thanks for lettin me look." She took his face in her hands and kissed him.

He pulled her body closer to his as he leaned back a moment or three later. "Let's get inside. Tinted windows should keep out prying eyes."

She grinned, still holding his head in her hands. "I'd love to, but I got someplace to be." With that she whipped his head around, snapping his neck. She pulled out his wallet, took the cash and cards and left a Jack of Hearts in a card slot before replacing the wallet. A moment later she pulled up next to Joker. "You wanna drive or should I?" A wide smile was on her face. She was enjoying the car.

"I'll drive, you can work the stick."

She grins, gets out and walks around the front to the passenger side, buckles in and pulls a butterfly knife out from between her tits. "Thought you might like it. The original owner's got no use for it now."

He grins and slips the knife in an inside coat pocket. "I think I'm in love." She grins and secures the handgun she also stole. Not caring where they were headed, she sat back and enjoyed the ride, letting the purr of the engine fill her ears. Joker put it in gear and drove them to the commercial sector and parked in an alley. "Come on, we've got a day to ruin." Making sure the handgun was well hidden, safety on, she trots up to join him at his side, mischief lining her face. He patted the hood of the red corvette. "Here's his ride. Make sure he notices you as he comes to drive her home. That is to say, that he _only_ notices you. I'll be other there." She takes off her jacket, lays it on the roof and lays on her stomach on the hood, her legs kicking back and forth in the air. Fun was about to arrive. At the sound of approaching footsteps, Joker pulled out the blade.

He was good looking, even with the glasses he wore. The young man paused to adjust them as he looked Harley over. "There is a God, and he loves me." The next moment, a gloved hand held his throat in a powerful grip, and a blade was pressed into his mouth.

"Maybe not as much as you think." Harley swung her legs to the side of the car, her boots never touching the car. She sits above the wheel, her feet swaying, a grin across her face. "I need power surge. There's a database needs hacking. Can you get me the info I need?"

The man's pupils dilated. "I gave up that life. Sorry, I can't help you."

"Oh? Okay, we'll play along. Harley, sweetie, be a dear and see if you can't make him more agreeable."

"You got it, Mistah Jay." She slips off the car and joins them. She gets within centimeters of the guy, holding his eyes with hers. "Shouldn't be too difficult." She lets her hand gently brush against his groin, giggling as he flinches, nicking himself against the blade.

"Mmm, I smell blood. I like blood. Shall we talk now, or do I stand here wanting more blood?"

"I-I won't help you." She pulled the 9mm out from behind her and held it to his nuts.

"Now I recommend ya tell Mistah Jay what he wants to know. It won't end well for ya if ya don't." She was so close now, her tits were pressed against his chest.

He clenched a fist. "Alright, I'll do it. What do you need?"

A few minutes later, the hacker was on his way home and Joker looked over at Harley."Well played."

"Thanks, Puddin. Ya know, if ya needed a hacker ya could've just asked." As they headed back to the inherited vehicle, she pulled her jacket back on.

"Oh. Oh, no. I couldn't risk someone as useful as you. Him? Him I could risk."

"My younger brother's a hacker. Taught me enough. Learned from everyone growin up." She spun on her heel. "Guess you could call me a Jack-of-all-Trades."

"That why you put a Jack of Hearts on the guy you got the car from?"

"Are ya always followin me, Mistah Jay? Still don't trust me?"

He chuckled. "We'll go with that, yeah."

She smirked. "It's too nice a car for that scumbag to be drivin it around. Great taste in cars though. Beautiful machine."

He looked at her. "Oh, yes... Beautiful." She goes on to describe the car in its beauty from under the hood, completely oblivious to the direction of Joker's compliment. To console himself, he glanced at her chest before moving on with his day. "Good thing I'm driving. You coming along?"

She hopped in. "You bet'cha, Mistah Jay. So, where to next?"

"More shopping, or Joyride?"

"I'd love to joyride in this baby. Let's see what she can do, Puddin."

"Fetch me that horizon, J-Mobile." He pats the dash. "So, how many points for each ped I X?"

"Lets say hobos and blue hairs are five, middle class are twenty, gang bangers are thirty, and richies are one hundred."

Joker grinned madly. "You keep score." After he bored with the neighborhood they were in, he headed for a ritzy area, and had a near miss with Mr. Wayne.

"Hey Puddin, ya missed one hundred points. Better double back." She said, looking in the side mirror.

"SCREEEEEEEE! RRRRRRMVMMMMMM!" Joker's poor sound effects were amusing next to the power of the real engine. Harley laughed in enjoyment. The car handled like a dream and disrupting the norm thrilled her. Never, before the Joker, had she had so much fun. As he locked back on target with Wayne, he glanced over at her. "I like that smile."

She had her hand son the dash as they sped toward Bruce. It was as if she were watching a horror film, but cheering for the killer. "Hit 'im... hit 'im..." She noticed Bruce's face tighten and he tucked and rolled over the car intentionally, but it _almost_ looked authentic. As he tumbled over it, the sound of scratching metal stung her ears. "Stop the car." She hopped out before the car even stopped moving. Walking over to Bruce, she planted a a heel based kick to his ribs. Pointing to the car she asked. "Do you know how much that car cost? And you just tear into it?"

He coughed some blood up and looked her. "I could," He gave a hacking cough. "write you a check."

"You richies are all the same. Ya think money's the answer to everything. Lesson learned." She gives a swift kick to the head that would have killed anyone, at the very least knocked them out. She takes everything of monetary value form his wallet and slips a card in a slot. Then she gets back in the car and starts counting the cash. "We hit the jackpot, Puddin."

"Looks like dinner's on Mr. Wayne tonight. The cards are useless as soon as he finds a phone, though. Wanna do anything with them for now?"

"We could hit the 24 stores. Ya need new knives, don'cha?"

"Always." He steers them in, only to have to wind up knocking out the attendant and making off with the blades for free. Harley walked out with bags of random items to include toys, sewing supplies, some cleaners, and quite a few bags of lollipops. She exits skipping, a large grin on her face. Joker, similarly equipped, appears by her side. "You wanna trade up to a new car?"

She nods a lollipop in her mouth. "No one'd better scratch it this time."

"Hm, how about back to the house so we can play?"

"Sounds like a plan." She picks a car, they load it up and head back to the club. She drops her stuff, grabs a pocket's worth of lollipops and heads for the door.

Joker peaks up from his 'work'. "You headin out already?"

"Gotta see a man about a horse." With that she leaves. Some time later, she's laying on the red corvette, her legs crossed, and daydreaming with a lollipop in her mouth.

Coming back to his car, Corvette man stopped dead. His immediate response to seeing Harley was to look for the Joker. Not finding him, he smirked. "Couldn't stay away, could you?"

"Awfully brave without Mistah Jay around." She grins, not looking at him. "Nice ride. '79 corvy. Keepin her in good shape. She almost purrs."

"If you got it, flaunt it. And nothing says 'I love my car' like keeping it clean."

She smirks. "I need a favor. Friend of mine needs some help."

"Separate tab from our mutual friend's request?"

"Of course." She doesn't sit up at all. Just continues to look up into the sky. "She's in trouble, my friend. Cops got copies of her prints already. Need her to disappear." She imitates typing. "Searching database... No match found... How odd." She sticks an arm out to him, a new lolli in her hand. "Sucker?"

He taps his chin, thinking. "Sure, I can do that for you, and appreciate the candy. What's in it for me? More than just a lolli right?"

"If done right, yea. You'll get paid." She sticks her lolli in the air. "_Only_ if done right. If anything matches to her, well, it won't end well for _you_."

"Good incentive for me not to mess things up. Might have to keep me around for when tech upgrades mean I need to check my work."

"Maybe. So, you gonna take this? Or shall I find someone else?"

"I'll take it. What details do I need?"

"Dere's an envelope under your wipers. Has everything you'll need." She gracefully slides off the car, not leaving a mark. She starts walking off and waves back at him. "We'll be in touch."

"Gosh, I hope so."


	3. Chapter 3

Harley was going through her tools and toys, sipping on a soda, when Joker appeared from around the corner. He was putting the finishing touches on a grenade sized bomb which was painted yellow. He was adding a smilie face with mad green eyes and a scarred grin. "Hi." He said in his awkward way.

"Heya, Puddin. Enjoyin' yer toys?" She asked with a grin.

He gives her a wide toothy grin. "Always. Ever wonder what happens when you take a grenade detonator, a glass ball, acid, and a primer coated in napalm with ball bearings and bb's?"

"A remote frag grenade that devours all it touches?"

He grins. "Merry Christmas." He tossed it to her once the paint dried.

"Aww, Mistah Jay. Christmas in August!" She cradles the bomb gently. "But," She pouted. "I didn't get you anything."

"I'm sure you can come up with something before we go to sleep."

"Ya know, Mistah Jay, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you had a likin' to me."

"Good thing you know better than to say it." He turned back to go to his work bench.

"And what if I do say it? Is it true?"

"I could just tell you the answer to that, or I could make you figure it out for yourself. Guess which I think would be more fun."

"Not admitting, but you didn't deny it either." She smirks then turns her attention back to her bag of tricks. "Did you still wanna go to the funeral? The place'll be crawling with cops."

He scratched at his scalp. "It would give you a chance to get me something, but I could just as happily stay in."

"I'm fine either way, though, how often do you get to go to your own funeral?"

"As often as you fake your own death. Though, the reasons for faking your death mean you might have to forgo the ceremony to establish the new life or fully cut away the old."

"Well, according to the good officers, Samantha Carson is dead. And the good people of Gotham will listen to Gordon. So long as he nor the family notices, I'm golden." She smirked. "Wanna see how long it takes 'em?"

"Shall we raise the stakes, make it interesting?"

"What did you have in mind?" She leaned into the table, her hands holding up her head.

"Say, for as long as it takes them to notice you, that's how long you have to do whatever I ask of you. No questions asked, no backing out."

"And if they don't notice me at all, we take a night out. Paint up the town."

"That sounds as tempting as staying in. Bargain struck."

"I'll go find something to wear." She rushes off into the club.

"I'll spruce up."

The next day at the service, several people were in attendance. Jim Gordon and several officers joined the mass of people. Finally, people were laying flowers on the coffin, A veiled woman walks up and lays a white rose atop the many reds, then fades back into the crowd. Tony, the youngest Carson son, noticed the white flower as the woman laid it down. Slipping away from his family's side he trailed the woman and her male companion to a patch of grass. They were far enough away not to cause a scene. "How did you know her?"

The woman stiffened, tears filling her eyes. She couldn't seem to form words. The man pulled her close. She was nice to us, is all. One of those things where a person you don't even know makes a life altering impact, one of the things they do every day. Then the next day, you see her in the obituaries."

The woman stayed silent. It was the best thing she could do at the moment. She shook some, to not be able to explain things to her brother, to lie to him, hurt. She had to remove her family, to keep them safe from her. And the gears started to turn. Tony looked down nodding. "Yeah, she could do that." The man nodded as well, a small movement as he was hiding a bit under his hat. "Please, we don't really know all of you... So..."

Tony realizing how awkward the situation would be on them, nodded. "It's okay. You were here for her. That's enough. Have a good day, okay?"

"We will. You too." He waved as Tony turned and walked away. Once Tony had gone, she straightened and wiped her eyes.

"What a guy.." She mumbled under her breath. Then so her companion could here her she said, "Nice save there, Mistah Jay."

"Meant every word. Come on, this party's dead. Let's find a livelier bunch."

"She takes off the hat with her veil, no one would see them at this point. "Who'd you have in mind?"

"Who looks the liveliest to you? I figure we can start with them."

"We ain't gonna find many livin' in the cemetery, Puddin'." She nudges him playfully.

"Which is our cue to change the scene." He led her to the ride they had taken to the place, and the two left. "Let's check the college area. There's a bunch that never fails to entertain."

"Dem college kids, the don't tend to be very motivated ta do much. Perhaps a motivational speaker is in demand." She side looks at him, grinning.

"Agreed, but how to invite them to this seminar. And who do we extend that invitation to?" He spies a sorority house around a corner and pulls into the driveway with a grin.

"Shall we go and mold some young minds, Professor Jay?" She smirks.

"I'd get fired from that position very fast, considering how much I love screwing with my students' heads." He winked and hopped out of the car. He walked in through the side entrance and smacked someone awake who had passed out on a kitchen counter. "Hello, this is your wake up call. Go lock all the doors. Harl? Make sure he's thorough. If he wakes anyone else, kill him."

"You got it, Mistah Jay. C'mon, Sugar. Let's start a lock in." With that she leads him off. Joker went around and picked up all the pretty blades.

"I'm Billy by the way." Said the guy from the counter Joker had woken up.

"Well, Billy, ya do what we tell ya and you'll do fine."

"Considering I like the life I got, I'd hate to have to kill two of the most interesting people I;be met in like, forever, just to keep on living my life."

She pats his shoudler. "Good luck with that, Sug. Now, get ta work."

"Would it be too much to say please?" He winks over his shoulder and begins shutting doors and windows, locking everyone in. Once the house was secure, Harley joins Joker at his side.

"All closed up, Puddin. Should we wake the kids for school?"

"Make sure they brush their teeth." He winked at her as he chewed his lip a bit.

"So, who's wants the honors of wakin' them?"

"Counter guy. Go get two pots and one ladle. Report back in thirty seconds or Harley sets you up with a date with the ferryman. Charon, isn't it?"

"Yea, that's the dude." Billy said as he returned with the cookware.

"Maestro, if you please?" She pushed Billy forward with her foot into his back. He stumbled and he dropped one of the pots. Joker managed to catch it before it clattered loudly on the floor.

"Woah, Harl. Not after they wake up on the counter." He placed the pot on Billy's head. "Here, Counter Guy, better put your helmet on. I think you'll need it. Go round up everyone up and have them meet us by the pool. We'll unlock the door here when we're ready for them." He beckoned Harley over and locked the door before looking back. "No extra curricular activities, either. You try anything, Harley will make you wish she killed you before." She air kissed Billy before sticking a lolli in her mouth and skipped along behind Joker. Joker reached over and gently grasped the lollipop stick. "Daddy outlaw sugar in the house growing up, Sweetie?"

"Or maybe I like the effect it has on people." She winks.

"Hmm," He canted his head to the side to look sidelong at her as he bit the inside of his cheek. "Tease."

"Dat's da point, Puddin'."

"You know, eventually, I'll start thinking there's more behind this flirting and teasing than simple witty banter."

"And _maybe_ one day that'll be true. But right now we got children who need role models."

"Just do me a favor. Make sure you _don't_ warn me before you finally jump me."

"I'll consider it." She sits on a table and crosses her legs. He whips out a machete, the handle bound in electrical tape. "Grab that electrical cord over there in the grass. We'll need it. It's time for a game show."

She grins and obeys. "Here ya go, Mistah Jay. Too bad we ain't got no cameras. I'm sure we'll see some action."

"Dear Harley," He said as he began wrapping the power line running into the house with electrical tape. "If I wanted the moment to last, I'd make it memorable, not rely on some device to immortalize it for me."

"Then why record the B-man wanna-be and the talk show dumb ass? Hmm?"

"To use the existing infrastructure to get the word out."

She smirked. Their constant battles back and forth were entertaining. It was fun learning. Something she never thought possible. How does he do it? The J-man hopped down and stalked toward her with a sparking power line in one hand and the machete in the other. "Oh, Mistah Jay, I think there's a spark between us." She shivers and grins.

"Hold out the cord, schnookums."

"Out here? So daring." She obeys.

With a flick of his wrist, he severs the female end of the chord off. "Use the butterfly knife to peel away the rubber. Do you remember where it is?" Holding the chord away at arm's length, she reaches into his jacket and retrieves the knife. She then starts to carefully remove the rubber coating. "When you're done, lay it on the exposed end here so I can tape them together." She finally laid the wire down and as wire met wire, there was a flash and the two were knocked on their asses as the electricity surged through every wire in the house. Everything plugged into an outlet was fried shortly before the fuses blew. "Harley, did you forget to unplug the extension cord?"

"No. I think you got a bit distracted."

He began taping over the flash welded chord and cabling. "Can you blame me? Between the body, the outfit and the candy, I'm having serious issues _not_ looking."

"Well, I welded the wires together and kept things exciting." She smirked.

"I'm all tingly just thinking about it. Go get our contestants."

She walks over to the door and opens it. "Step right up folks. You're all in for a show you'll never forget." She herds them all outside and gathered in the back.

"Good morning kids. Today you're all going to play a game with Harley and me. The game itself is quite simple. Don't be afraid. I'll demonstrate so you all know what's at stake." He took off his coat and shoes. "Harley, use your brand new whip on the air just above the pool. I'm gonna swim from one end to the other. Once I get out, Harl, drop the chord in the pool." He dived in the water, swimming like a dolphin. Like a good magician's assistant, she waited till he was out of the pool before dropping the live wire in the water, a large dazzling smile on her face. When Joker crawled out, he turned to the students who were still dry, many of the others had risked the swim and were soaked (if they had much for clothing to begin with). He turned to the dry ones. "You didn't get in the pool, why?" He asked this of every dry student, a planned response for each answer. Harley was handing each wet student a sucker and patted them on the head, keeping the wire as far away as possible. She didn't want to kill the obedient. As each was going through the students, Joker was telling the dry kids to hold still and the wet ones to head to the patio. "Harley? Herd the dry kids into the pool. I'll keep them there until it's time to give them their punishment for not participating."

Isolating the wire from the pool, she skips over. "Right away, Puddin'. Alright puppies, into the pool." She gave extra encouragement to those who gave resistance. A few she even threw in. Joker, meanwhile, was laying out the wire so that it would electrify the splash puddle around the pool in case any of the herded tried escaping. He only deactivated it when Harley came by. He was curious to see who would try. One girl panicked and made an attempt to pull herself out. She managed to get passed the splash ring. Harley whirled around and grabbed the girl by the hair. "Where ya goin'? The party's inside." She shoves the girl back toward the pool, causing her to slip through the electrified puddle.

As one of the other girls looked away and started to cry, Joker reached down and touched her face. "You now know why the game is called 'Don't Be Afraid'." He waited a moment to make sure the last of the dry kids got wet. As the slight smell of fried flesh made itself apparent, he nonchalantly tossed the wire into the pool.

Billy nodded as he watched the people he'd been getting into drunken and high sex-capades with fry as twenty thousand volts coursed through them all. "Don't be afraid, because fear restrains you." He got up and stomped some guy's face in. "I always knew you slept with my sister."

Joker looked over with a mix of surprise and glee. "Harl, we have our first contestant. Bring him on down."

Harley walks over, takes Billy by the hand and guides him over. "I knew this one had some potential."

"For the next round of 'Don't Be Afraid', Harley will ask Counter Guy a series of philosophical questions. I'll judge his answers, and at the end of the round, we'll see what he's won. Okay? Here we go, Harl? Take it away."

"Okay, let's see how brushed up you are on government policies." She sits on the table and crosses her legs. "Explain to me the difference between the way our government runs itself and the Constitution in concern of our... 'rights'."

"Oh, where do I begin? They've put every restriction on those rights they could think of. This country was born of the sweat and blood of people who never backed down for shit. And now here we are like tail tucking dogs because Big Brother says 'sit'? Look, the constitution says we have a right, as the people, to rise up against any government we feel dissatisfied with. Then it specifically goes on to say that right extends to include our own. But that's sedition and treason. Most often, with war crimes involved. Don't believe me? Ask the former president of the Confederated States of America. They were Americans just like us. Question is, are we dissatisfied enough with our own government to abolish it?"

Joker heard the words and watched the live audience all become captivated, as he had. "Good answer. Next question, please."

"Name two things that keep people from doing what they truly want, and how they relate."

"Fear and choice. Fear holds you back, but choice means you decided that what you want isn't what you need. Like say you get hungry. You see a box of chicken wings. You want some, but you don't get any. Either you're too chicken shit to grab it or because – ULK!"

Joker suddenly had him by the throat. "Sorry, Billy. You lost. But thank you for playing. Your prize? A little more time to get your act together." Then he nicked the corner of Billy's mouth. Deep enough to scar, but not lethal. More questions were asked of the others. Some didn't make it. The one's that did stood against the wall, awaiting the 'next round'. "Next round." Joker handed Billy a hand grenade. "Hot Potato." He pulled the pin as simple as he had said it. Billy, seeing the ring and pin dangling from Joker's hand, grinned. The fresh wound tearing a bit and he tossed the grenade onto the patio and ducked.

Hours later, all the university cop sent to investigate the noise found was a charred, acid burned, and pulverized patio and rear wall, and the city power guy's truck pull up to reconnect the power.


	4. Chapter 4

Harley led the way back to the safe house on a student's bike. Joker had wanted to speak privately with Billy. After the lengthy trip back, she guided the remaining students in through the front entrance to the club. "Alright kids, lesson one. Earn your keep. Ya wanna stay here? Keep it clean." Leaving them in the house, she heads upstairs to the office and waits for Joker. Once he was able to join her in the office, He sneaked up on her and sliced through the lacing of her corset.

"Peek-a-boobies."

She wraps one arm around her stomach to hold it on and wheels around on him. "Oh, it's you, Mistah Jay." She notices Billy and adds, "I don't think it's somethin' ta do in front of the children."

"I just wanted to offer him some encouragement to continue. We had a nice chat, and I think a little reward is in order. Hope you don't mind, but he'd appreciate the reward from you more than me. Though, he doesn't mind if I watch. Make him feel like the good little boy he is."

"Well, all ya had to do was ask, Puddin'." She sits on the couch, adjusting the corset to stay on. "C'mere, Suga." Billy came forward, chewing his lip lightly. He was paying remarkable attention to her eyes. As he grinned, the scab in the corner of his mouth tore some and a small twinge of pain registered, but he didn't care. He was next to the girl, Harley. The sofa was a lot softer than he expected it to be. "Don't be so nervous. I ain't gonna hurt ya. Not on purpose anyways." She grabbed his shirt and pulled him into her, taking him into a kiss.

Billy grinned and melted into the kiss. "He said to treat you like a lady. I told him not to worry. By the way, I got promoted. I'm not 'Counter Guy' anymore. I'm now 'Lippy McGee'."

"Tick tock, you're wasting time." When she felt he had dropped his guard, she pulled a switch blade and and pressed it under his jaw.

"You missed." He brought her blade to the untouched side of his mouth. "This is your side."

Harley leaned her head back to look at Joker. "I like 'im, daddy. Can we keep 'im?"

"I give him to you. Just let me borrow him when I have a use for him." He leaned back and got comfortable.

She smirks as she turned back to her new toy and patted his head. "Good job. Although, you did get a bit lippy." She nicks his face quickly. "Now, go play with the others." As he stood, she gave a quick slap on his ass.

He grinned at the both of them. "Thanks, both of you, for the talks and the kiss."

Once he was gone, Harley crossed over and straddled Joker. "Ya know, Mistah Jay, if ya wanted ta see me topless, ya coulda just said so."

He chuckled. "This way was more fun for me."

"I'm sure. So, taking on a protege?"

"Think of him as our first disciple."

She grabs her jacket and removes the damaged corset. "Thanks to you, I get to modify my top." She pulls on the jacket and buttons it up to cover enough. "No cutting this." She taps his nose before getting up and heading down to the dressing room to find a temporary replacement.

"Oh, Harley, wait a moment. The only thing needing replacing is the lacing right? While you're looking, you might consider a possible upgrade."

"Which is why I'm getting a temporary top." She winks and steps out the door.

"Alright, but I think it's a little too hot for the jacket." He held out a hand, smirking diabolically. She pulls a lolli out of the jacket before handing it over. Unwrapping it, she sticks it in her mouth, gives him a look as if to say "There, happy?" and heads out all but topless, save for her bra. "God damn, I love me." He sat down at the computer. Some time later, she returned in a red and black school girl outfit. She'd left the choker on and replaced her low, practical boots for knee highs. One of the girls were with her. She retrieved the corset and sent the girl off with instructions. "Oh, Harley!" She had Joker's full attention. "All I need now is a ruler to spank you with." He winked. "Of course, you'd need to do something bad for me to spank you."

"Would leaving you to babysit constitute a spanking?" She grabs a few candies and sticks them in a breast pocket.

"Babysitting isn't covered in the school rules. You'll need to try harder."

"Well then, I'm skipping class to see a guy." She rubbed against him as she passed.

"I'll get you when you get back, unless you wanna see how long before Stacy 'Free bush' out there decides to proposition me."

She laughs. "I'll take my chances." Some time later, she was on the Corvette, waiting patiently. This time she had a portable game in her hands.

"Oooh, skulls. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"How's that file coming along? You've had plenty of time." She never looked up.

"Actually, I just sent him a message saying I had the disk. If you like, we can head to my place, pick it up, maybe hang out some?"

She looks over the game. "I'm glad to see you're working so hard." She sits up. "Mistah Jay will be pleased. Now, as to why _I'm_ here. Did you take care of that police file I talked to you about?"

"For your friend? Took care of it that day. Was kinda fun." His eyes darted to her outfit. "Speaking of fun, that's a nice little number you got on."

She smirks. "So absolutely nothing will come up? Not a name, face, print or other?"

"Not only did I corrupt the source file, I also set it up so anything that would try and accessing the file will pull up a youtube video."

"A little old for practical jokes, ain't ya Corvette?" She grinned at the thought.

"Age is a state of mind."

She ninja's off the car and wraps and arm around him. "So about that disk."

"It's just inside my house. Hop in, we can go for a ride."

"Thought you'd never ask." She gently runs her gloved fingers across the '74 beauty.

"Just one thing. You haven't earned the privilege of driving her yet." He climbs in the driver's seat and buckles in.

She hops in and buckles up. "Nice choice of words there. Besides, I like riding shotgun almost as much as driving these beauties. Think I'll survive for now."

He smiled. "Wouldn't have caught his attention if I didn't know my stuff."

She grinned back. "Well, ya done good work by me. So reward is in orda. I'm sure Mistah Jay will be pleased. Maybe I'll give ya a little somethin' extra." She rubbed the inside of his thigh.

"Just make sure I can continue being useful. Don't think J-man will appreciate losing so useful a tool."

She grinned, she never had to say a thing about it. "So if you're so eager to help out, why'd you resist him?"

"To keep things interesting for everyone involved."

"Even to risk your own life? You didn't seem to be having much fun that day."

"Au contrare, Mademoiselle. I had a hot chick with her chest pressed against mine. Nothing disagreeable in that much of it."

She smirked. Most would agree. And for them, it would make them vulnerable. A pretty set of legs can make a sensible man trip over himself."

He patted her thigh as much as he had been rubbing his. "That they can. But it's hard to trip a man who's already off his feet."

"With or without the assistance of a knife and a sociopath?"

"The presence of the knife and the sociopath is why I resisted at all. I knew he'd have the most fun in that." He grew a little bold and trailed his fingers higher up her thigh.

When he'd gotten a little too high, she playfully slapped his hand. "Uh uh uh uh. You're not done working yet, Suga."

"But that might take a while. Can't blame me for wanting a little something to tide me over."

"Yer place ain't that far. You can wait." She squeezed his inner thigh then pulled a new sucker out of her pocket.

"Just my way of asking if you wanted to make the ride more interesting, but yeah. I could wait a bit."

Knowing he was watching her as they spoke on the way to his place, she was teasing the candy, yet being totally innocent about it. Just to get his engine running.

Revved as he was, he almost sped home. "Let's go inside, unless you want to hang out in the car for a bit, seeing as how you like it so much."

"What can I say? I like fine art. That disk for Mistah Jay would be a nice souvenir." With that she got out and leaned against the door waiting. He was back at the car in a minute, slipping the disk between her tits. "This everything he needs? Nothing overlooked?"

"Not a thing was forgotten. He's got everything he needed from me."

She slipped the disk into the car through her open window. "Well," she leaned against him. "Maybe a bit of incentive for you to stick around. And for doing such a great job." Once again her breasts were against his chest, but no 9mm at his groin.

"So far, this is far more agreeable that the first time I had the pleasure. Nice as it is though, if you truly appreciate my work so little as to make this my only repayment, I may have to demand a better service."

She grinned. "Back seat or your place?"

"You're the one paying me. I'll leave the details to you, and just let you know if the payment is deemed fair."

Her grin widened. "Backseat it is." She pulled him back with her against the car kissing him. Already more than ready, he pressed against her, rubbing lightly. She reached back, leaned forward and opened the car door and climbed in the backseat, Corvette not to far behind. By the time Harley got back to the office, Joker was walking out of his workshop, war paint in place. "I'm home, Pudidn'. And I brought you a present." She tosses the disk to him and plops on the couch.

"Get your face on, Harl. Daddy's taking you out."

She rushed off to reapply her face then rejoined him at his desk, leaning against him. "Who;s day we gonna ruin today?"

He grinned as he slipped the disk into his computer to load the file. "I hadn't decided yet. In fact, you may choose if you like."

She slips off down into the club for a moment then comes back. "How about Jim Gordon?" She leaned against the counter.

"Come on, pumpkin. We've got a spot light to commandeer."

"We wanna bring the kids on this little field trip?"

"Sure, may as well. Saves me the trouble of finding some muscle. And I do have plenty of clown masks."

She opens the club door and shouts down. "Kids, meet us outside. We're takin' a trip." She goes back to his side. "Shall we, Mistah Jay?"

He proffed his elbow to her. "Do let's." As the two exited the warehouse, he spied a graffiti artist plying his trade, coat full of spray paint cans. Joker shushed Harley, and a moment later had his blade in the kid's mouth. "Hi there. I've a favor to ask you."

"A-anything." Harley hung back. "Whatever you want."

"Good attitude. Don't be afraid." Joker grinned, his yellowed teeth in full view. "Now that we have our artist, let's get him a canvas." The kid was confused and a little nervous, but he joined Joker's ranks anyway. Harley skipped along anticipating the fun they'd have before capture. About fifteen minutes later, Joker pushed 'Fingers Malone' over to the two spotlights on the roof of a packed play theatre. "You can go ahead and introduce the kids to the audience, pumpkin. I'll make sure it's all running smoothly."

She herded the kids to the street level. "Now listen kids. If the cops show up, which they will, you need to disappear. Now, go have fun." She grinned widely as they all donned their masks and entered the theatre. She planned on having some fun herself.

About five minutes later, the spot lights were adapted into a set of Joker and Harley signals, and the kids had taken over the production. They had sealed the exits before slaughtering the cast. Joker turned to Harley. "Now we just wait for the bat."

"Should we time him?" She smirked.

"Say, one person dead for every minute he doesn't show?"

"Sounds good to me. Shall we do the honors, or let one of the kids have fun?"

"See to it yourself. I have a few more presents to leave lying around."

"You got it, Mistah Jay." She pecked his cheek and headed off to time the bat. When she wasn't killing, she left deep scratches in richie cars, broke store windows and overall vandalism. She left no cards at the scene.

Joker felt a change in the wind as he set the last charge. "About time Bats." _Now to find him. Oh look, a three foot piece of pipe. _"Hello cane." Every minute Batman wasn't there, another life was taken. Harley was slashing tires outside the theatre when Joker snuck up behind her and snaked a hand around her midriff. "We have an expected and unwanted guest to attend to."

"Well it's about time. Look at all the people he made me kill." She sounded upset.

"Is that a nun?"

"I was gonna leave her be but she just wouldn't shut up." She rubbed the back of her head.

"Was there anything behind strangling her with her own rosary, or was that a heat of the moment thing?"

"Thought I'd help her count her beads."

"Well, I like it. Let's go bring Batty a party." When batman arrived on the roof, Joker was standing with his 'cane', Harley's hand in the crook of his arm, her other hand holding a lolli halfway out of her mouth. Joker checked his watch. Futile as the act was as it was broken. "You're late for your OWN party, Bats! And after we went through so much trouble too. Sounds like time for a lesson in etiquette."

Batman's hands curled into fists. "I couldn't agree more."

"Well, you boys play nice. I'm gonna go check on the kids." She kisses Joker's cheek and skips off.

"Remember the deadline, Harl. In five minutes, the whole place sky rockets unless Bats can disarm all the bombs." A maniacal grin crosses his face. "So, save the innocents, or bring down the bad guys. Decisions, decisions. Tick, tock. Batty's on the clock."

Harley scampered down into the theatre. Not finding Billy, she turned to a blonde. "Where's my male lead?"

Stacy, the blonde, pointed out. "He had to use the bathroom."

She tuts and heads to the men's room. "Boy, you got two minutes to get your team out safely and undetected. Get a move on or you'll be sleeping among rubble and hostages."

He was out of the room in ten seconds and the group was gone within a minute and a half later. Harley met back up with Joker down the street a ways to avoid the large blast. "And now the moment of truth. Did he find and diffuse the bombs? Did he not? Will that cowled cranium come crashing down at my feet?" He looked up expectantly. "With as long as that suspense was, you'd think I'd have realized time's up. You got anything else to do in town, pumpkin?"

"Gordon and I are old friends. I was wanting to pay him a visit tonight." She leans on his shoulder. "You're welcome to join me, Puddin'. I don't plan on staying. I'll be home tonight."

"I'll watch the kids, then. Tell them a bed time story." Sometime later, Joker and the kids long gone, Batman showed up.

"Come quietly."

She smirked. "So many meanings, B-man. You want silence, or cooperation?"

"Because asking for both is asking too much. Just stay here until the authorities can come pick you up."

"Unsupervised? But I might get hurt. Someone might try and do something bad to me. Shouldn't you stay and make sure I stay here. I mean, I could just, take off and break stuff."

"Oh, I'm not planning on going anywhere."

"B-man, you need to lighten up a bit." She gets close to him. "I can help you with that." He grasped her shoulders and rubbed his palms up and down her arm. When he believed her to be distracted, he cuffed her wrists and set her in a chair. Her guard was never down. "Ooo, Bats. Foreplay _before_ dinner? You're as daring as they say."

Batman was calm. She was just another criminal. A woman yes, but a criminal none the less. "I wasn't planning on either of those."

"Be spontaneous, Bats. Do something unplanned for once. Step outside yourself."

"No thanks."

"Doesn't following the rules, doing what's expected of you, conforming with the majority... Doesn't it bore you? Make you want something different?"

"I only have one rule. I do what's needed. But conforming isn't really my M.O., but we're not talking about me, are we?"

"I believe we are, Bats. Everyone expects you to be there. They expect you to save their city. The police allow you to run free so you can. Or should I say, Gordon allows you to run free. Because of you, they expect you to do everything, making them dependent. This city needs its independence back. How long are you going to baby them, Bats?"

"Batman will endure until he is no longer needed. One day, Gotham will be free from the crime and corruption that has plagued it. Until that dawn, I'll see Gotham in an endless night. Where Terror, Evil and Batman wage their war."

"There's my point. Do something for you. Be selfish, Bats. How can this city grow, if you're always being Mother Hen."

"Batman is an icon, a symbol. Ideas are incorruptible, they have to be. Or they no longer stand for anything at all."

"Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself of that." She heard sirens coming closer. "So yourself a favor. Be who you _really_ are. It's the only way to save yourself."

"I am. Every time I put on the mask." He recuffed her to a parking meter, then grapple lined away. One of the first cops on the scene got out of the car.

"Well, well, well. What have we here?"

"A poor little girl stuck to a machine. Mind givin' me a hand?" The officer's partner got out of the other side, giving the one who spoke a withering glance. The first officer looked back at Harley, a look that said he wanted to give her something, not necessarily a hand. "Are you officers gonna take me somewhere safe? There's all kinds of weirdos out here. One's running around dressed like a bat."

"We'll get him too, one day." The driver stepped toward her. "Ma'am, I'm going to read you your rights and we'll get you in the car."

She began recited the list of rights when she finished she added. "That is how it goes right? And you'll stick to those words?"

"Well, I'll give you an 'E' for effort. Do you understand those rights?"

"If I say no, will you make this more fun?"

"No."

"Well, poo." She pouted. "Yes, I understand my rights. So, can we head to the ball now? I'm expecting to meet my Prince Charming there."

"You're looking for your prince in a jail cell? You may be certifiable."

"Or maybe he's not in a cell." She sighs. "A chance I'll have to take."

"Hold still. Let me assist you to the car, where I will put you into the back seat, and my partner and I will drive to the precinct. There you will be in processed and questioned."

"Hey 'Rookie', you're not gonna narrate the entire process are you?" She turns to the other cop. "He always this stuffy?"

"He doesn't even drink." Good cop had her recuffed properly and held her elbow as they walked to the car.


	5. Chapter 5

After the lengthy car ride of which she continued to mess with the cops, they finally arrived at the station. When they opened the door to take her out of the car, she had her hands in front of her, a lolli in her mouth. "Oh, hi boys." She waves. "Here already?"

Murtangh, the good cop, nodded at her hands. "Don't be any trouble, now. Let's go inside." He reached in and helped her out. His partner, Green, took her other elbow, and occasionally grazed her breast with his finger.

She marched on with them into the precinct, through processing and into the holding cell. A little while later, Harley spotted Green. "Oh, Greenie. Think I could get my phone call? I promise to make it quick."

He looks around. "The line's pretty long for the phone." He reaches into his pocket. "Here, use mine."

She smiles sweetly as she accepts it. "Knew I could count on you." She dialed a number and waited. "Heya, Suga. Imma be a bit tied up for a while. Could ya take out the dogs?" She pauses. "Yeah, leashes are by the door. Thanks." She hung up and handed him back his phone. "You're a doll, Green. Think I could get one of my lollies? Promise I won't eat it in front of the other inmates."

"That'd take some doing, what's in it for me?"

"If I get out of here, I'll contact you. I have your number after all. We can have some fun." She winks.

"Sounds like a plan. I'll see what I can do for you."

About a half an hour later, she'd have her lollipop. "Thanks, Suga." She air kisses him and sticks the candy in her tits for safe keeping. It was about that time that they brought her down for questioning. Once the officer's left her alone in the room, before Gordon arrived, she stuck the sucker in her mouth.

As soon as Gordon saw the lollipop in her mouth, he knew one of his officers must have given it to her. He'd investigate it later. "So, whom, may I ask, do I have the pleasure of hosting tonight?"

"Shouldn't you already know that, Commissioner? Or is all that in-processing a big waste of time?"

"I have serious doubts your name is... What did you have them put down? 'Harley Quinn'? For one thing, there's no certification on any Harley Quinns matching your age group in the FBI database. And that's a rather extensive database. So, are you going to come straight with me, or is this going to take a while?"

"I won't deny who I am to myself nor any pig. And if my identity is the only reason I'm here, you're wasting both of our time."

"Oh, it's not. The reason you're here, actually, is this." He pulls out a card. A Jack of Hearts. "Recognize it?"

She looks over the card and grins. "I would hope everyone does. But I'll play your game. Jack of Hearts, third highest card in a card deck. It can be found in any deck of playing cards."

"Fair enough." He pulls out a few more, each from various decks. "But you see, here in Gotham, a simple playing card has taken on a new meaning. Because of ones like this one." He lays down a Joker. "And I have a reliable source that puts you in town around the time these cards first appeared on dead people. And, well, considering the makeup, I tend to think you may be a copycat Joker. But then, isn't that what a harlequin is? Another kind of Joker?"

"First, anyone could be anywhere at anytime. People in this city, 'your fair city', aren't really trustworthy. Maybe I pissed someone off and I'm being framed. I tend to... excite some folks." She grins. "Second, you can't copy The Joker. No one can even copy a fraction of his genius. I certainly couldn't compete. Nor would I insult him with such. Third, a harlequin was a servant performer of acting. A jester was used for humor and jokes. You're so quick to blame someone who's a bit different, and yet... You have someone who counts himself above the law and dresses like it's Halloween twenty-four seven." She laughs. "He's no better than some of the other 'freaks' you have locked in Arkham."

"You have a number of points. But it's not your differences that alarm me. It's the similarities. You and Joker have a flair for the dramatic, neither of you appear on any records we know of. Both of you wear clown style makeup and have a thing for playing cards. But what is most distressing, I don't know if you somehow knew Samantha Carson. She was presumed dead recently, a good police officer. About twenty minutes ago, her family received this sympathy card," He flashed a very nice card with 'Sorry for Your Loss' printed on the front. "With a Jack of Hearts in it. Do you know anything about this Jack of Hearts killer and why they're targeting the Carsons?"

She never touched the card. "Maybe he's the one that killed the girl and wanting to finish the job. Or, just maybe, like everyone likes to rumor, is that Joker killed her on escape. Besides that, do you have a problem with the way I'm dressed, Commissioner?" She leans back in the chair and props her feet on the table. "Got somethin' against clowns? I can't dress this way for my own enjoyment, but some shmuck can run around dressed like a bat? Well, that's just not fair."

"Well, if you are as innocent as you say, why be so evasive?"

She smirks. "Because, Commissioner, you're entertaining. Particularly when you're frustrated. And what girl doesn't play hard to get?" She switched legs.

He nods. "Point. Well, I think I'm done here. Unless there's anything you'd like to add?"

"Laugh now, Commissioner. Save the tears for later. It may be the only thing to keep you sane." She sticks the sucker back in her mouth.

"I'll keep that in mind." And with that, he left. The officers standing outside escorted her out of the building after she was out processed.

_Only a matter of time now,_ she thought as she headed back home. Meanwhile, Gordon was going over the evidence in his office. He was determined to protect his friend's family. He looked over the playing cards and the sympathy card. He looked at the sole bit of writing inside. It was the drama masks. Laugh now, cry later.

"Son of a -" He picked up his phone and dialed out.

About a half an hour after Harley had gotten back to the club, Billy came up to her."We got word form one of your informants." He handed her the phone that was set aside for that purpose so she could get the text off of it.

She read it over. "Good work today, by the way." She cuts him again, breaking open the first a little in the process.

"Thank you." He left her there. He had some of his own praise and rewards to offer.

Once in the office, she grabbed a box she had set aside. "Mistah Jay, I made ya somethin'. Think ya might like 'em."

He looked up, blew the shavings off the pencil he'd been sharpening. "Oh, goody! Presents!" He stood and walked over.

She hands him the box when he reaches her. Inside were a bunch of wind up teeth. "Discrete bombs. Wind it up, set it loose. When it stops, it blows. White are small, good for distractions. A bit stronger than a fire cracker. Yellow are good for breaking a wall. Brown's for breaking people and walls. I been callin' 'em 'chatter bombs'. You can call 'em whatever you want though, Mistah Jay."

"Chatter Bombs, eh? Fun." He grinned at her. "Speaking of fun, how'd the chat with Gordon go?"

She smirks. "He's as sharp as he's always been. Thinks I have something to do with Samantha's 'death'. And I was just informed the Carson family's in witness protection due to a supposed death threat."

"Well, that gets them out of the way. I take it that's the end of Samantha Carson?" In response, she throws her arms around his neck and kisses him. "Well," He smacks a kiss on her lips. "Color me surprised."


	6. Chapter 6

She emerged from the office some time later and headed down the stairs. "Who's hungry kids? Harley's treat."

Billy smirked as he'd had a decent view, as she came down the stairs, up her skirt. "I could go for seafood. Who's with me?"

Frankie spoke up. "I'm more of a taco guy. I like 'em a little spicy." Jill came up behind both of them and slapped them both upside their heads simultaneously. Harley noticed this and considered Jill's action. She realized she'd forgotten something. She smiled and continued.

"Thank you, gentlemen, for volunteering not to eat tonight. Funds are needed for work and we have been getting a little low." She turned to the others. "So what are we ordering?"

Stacy was the only one to speak up as she turned to the others. "I've been dying for some orange chicken and boneless buffalo wings piled on top of fried rice."

"Chinese it is." She turned and left out the front door.

Joker ran out of the office and stopped. Seeing Harley had already left, his grin fades. Noticing the kids being present, he brightened up again. "Ev'nin, boys." He moves to seat himself between them, hugging each to a shoulder. "Let me teach you two a bit about magic."

Fingers raised an eyebrow from the arm chair. "Magic? That why she's buying us dinner?" He smirked.

Joker just looked at him, pulled out a pencil and slammed it point first into the table. "How'd you like a name change? I'm thinking 'Patches'."

The smirk faded instantly. "I-I'm sorry Joker. Won't happen again." Fingers knew he's said the wrong thing. His hands twitched nervously.

Joker winked over at Jill. "Nice trick, don't ya think?" He gives a small nod as he grins in her direction before sliding his eyes over to Billy, then back to Jill to see her response. She was unmoved, keeping her comment to herself. Speaking freely around Joker was a 50/50 chance of death. "What? You think I'd kill you for answering wrong? Do we need to go back to 'Don't Be Afraid'?"

Jill looked him in the eye. "Not much of a trick when, if they're not afraid of Harley, they're afraid of you." She looked at Billy and Frankie. "Which, I can promise you, you two won't be eating tonight."

"No arguments here, except for this one teensy little," Joker held up his thumb and forefinger, putting them very close together. "Thing. You are all, all of you, our guests here. And for one reason or another, we see you all as children, pupils, or legacy carriers to one degree or another. So yes, do be afraid, but don't let that get in the way of lessons to be learned, opportunities to be gained, or at the very least, not lose approval. And I just said one thing to six different people, all of which heard six different things. Keeping track of that's a different kind of magic."

"If interpreted at all." A few people glanced at Stacy. As helpful as she was, she was still an airhead. Jill rolled her eyes after her own remark.

Joker looked to everyone else. "Next time she says something like that, gag her." Fingers looked over and winked at her, giving a half grin. She smirks and turns her attention back to Joker. "Moving on. Does anyone at all have anything useful to say?" Nobody said anything. "Well, since no one's thinking, I'm going for a walk. You kids play nice."

On her way back from the Chinese place, Harley had to dodge a cop car or two. She had to be perfectly aware of everything lest she be caught again. This time she knew she wouldn't be let go. The club was just one more block. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a shadow shift to the sound of flapping cloth. She turned to try and get a glimpse of the movement. "Probably just some bum." She thought quietly out loud. She didn't see anything. Taking that as her cue, she took the long way back to the hidden entrance. Before she had reached the door, she stopped. She spotted a shadow moving, a gloved hand and a piece of cloth. It was either Joker or Bats. Either way, she wasn't going to enter the safe house until she was sure. She entered the warehouse next door, closed the door and put the food bags down. She spotted the pointy-eared silhouette on the wall in front of her briefly. "Ya say ya got no interest in me, B-Man. Yet here you are again."

"My only interest is to see you pay for your crimes, Miss Quinn."

"And what crimes are those, Bats? Making men happy?"

"You're the Jack-of-Hearts killer." His tone was as a judge laying out a sentence to a delinquent minor. "You will have to repay your debt to society."

"You can't prove that, Bats. Ya got no real evidence. No proof, no verdict." She was using a mocking tone and she stuck out her tongue.

"Haven't you heard what they're saying? I'm not needing evidence anymore, and just need a reason to kill." He was banking on her having heard about the five apparent random murders attributed to him to keep Harvey's record clear.

She laughed. "The Bat? Kill?" She laughed again. "You, I, and Mistah J all know you won't do it. And last I was there, not all the cops are corrupted. As long as Gordon is Commissioner, evidence will be needed. Nice try, Bats." Just as he was about to begin thinking up a response, he suddenly felt in some way detached. Like he was standing in his suit, none of the gear activated. Seeing him hesitate, Harley grabbed the bags and booked it out of the warehouse and into the hidden office. Batman moved to investigate a sound, but found only his face on the cold concrete.


	7. Chapter 7

"Please, Puddin'? Just a peak?" A woman's voice pleaded.

"That's not how the game works. Besides, that _is _his face. The skin beneath is not his face." Replied a more familiar male voice.

"Oh fine. Stupid camera don't work anyways." The sound of plastic hitting the wall echoed in the room followed by the sound of several pieces hitting the ground. Someone approached. "Hey Batsy! Time to wake up!" Something solid slapped across his face. In addition to the sudden pain in his face, he awoke with the feeling of having drank a bottle of Scotch with a Tequila chaser the night before. He groaned and opened his eyes. The feel of cool air against his skin signaled he was stripped of everything but his mask and boxers.

"I gotta say, Batty, you've got a tailor to die for! Not so hot on the design, but where does he get his material from? Do you have any idea how long it took to get you out of that outfit? Poor Stacy was so enthralled by your statuesque form that as soon as we got you out of it, well, you may want to get yourself checked out. I don't know what kind of men she's been with."

There was laughter from behind him. A cue that the statement could or could not be true. Harley walked over and sat in his lap. "Like the place, B-Man? We've redecorated since ya was last here." A few things were scattered around. A folding table, which looked like it would crumble, a few chairs, all of which improvised, and a ratty old mattress. Batman, unflinchingly, became aware of two things. One, His leg was sensitive enough to shape out the contours of her skin on his. Secondly, he may have finally been caught and could be in serious trouble. Harley's cleavage was a major distraction at this point. "You'd have thought I'd done something wrong today. You just come swoopin' down, stalkin' me. A girl can't get somethin' ta eat? I was just tryin' ta feed my family, Bats. Is that such a crime?"

"You're a wanted criminal, Quinn. Several warrants are out for your arrest. You're status is to apprehend on sight."

"Well, looks like the tables have turned, haven't they?" She giggled. "Secretary! Cancel all of Bat's meetings. He'll be tied up." She noticed his eyes drift a little low. She grinned. "I knew the while you were saying 'no' last night, you really meant 'yes'. Give into temptation, Bats. Live a little." She drew little circles on his chest.

He shook his head. "Batman never compromises. Must be above lust and other traps set for men. Must be untouchable, unbreakable." The bat was talking, but not the man.

"But there is a man beneath this mask, or at least some memory of one. And it's hard to believe your 'Batman this' and 'Batman that' speal when you're showing, oh so, obvious interest." She shook her head and laughed.

"Forgive me if it stinks of a trap." He pointedly looked at the spectators.

"Oh, don't mind us, Bats." Joker piped up. "If you want her, take her. Wouldn't sour what we have. Hell, consider it a token of how well you've played the game to date."

"Besides, we already got you. What's the point of a trap now? And who's gonna believe -us-, even if we told, if you gave into primal urges."

"Is that what this is about? To get you're sexual fix?"

"Now now, Bats. Harley has much bigger addictions than sex. She's been begging to test some of her new toys on you. You have -me- to thank for you not missing any limbs at the moment." Joker laughed and Harley smirked.

"So how 'bout it, B-man? How about a little fun while you're here?"

"Go to Hell, Quinn."

She frowned and stood up. "Fine then. I was offering you some pleasure in you're life." She looked over at Joker questioningly. He nodded. "All you're gonna get now is pain. Have fun kids!" She took her place at Joker's side as the kids took to beating Batman senseless. Watching crimson water dribble down his arm, Harley walked over with a small vial and a cloth. The kids stopped as she approached sometime into the torture. She catches some of the blood and tosses the tower into his lap. "Someone clean him up. Should we reintroduce him into the wild or hold him in captivity?"

Joker thought it over as Batman was being cleaned off. "We should release him, I think. He's not ready to stay."

"Handle this." She dirrected to Billy and Jill. "Untie him, send him off, and get everyone home to eat. Food's getting cold." She raised her voice so the others could hear her. "And if anyone feeds those two, you won't be eating for a week." She turned back to Joker. "Let's go. I'm in the mood fer Puddin'." She slipped her hand inside his jacket and vest to rub his chest.

As Billy and Jill stepped over to release the Bat, Joker threw an old coat and boots over to Batman. "Cover up, you look like a crazy person." He laughed, wrapped an arm around Harley's waist and walked them out. When they arrived in the office, Harley put the vial of liquid ruby away among her stuff. Everyone always wanted to know, and soon she would. She made a quick call, told them person to expect a delivery and what she expected back. When the group returned, she sent off Jill with the small package. Once she was gone, Joker turned to Harley.

"So, you gonna beat me senseless too, or just tie be down." His expression was very telling of what he was referring to.

She swung her arms around him. "Nah, Puddin'. Ya get full access."

"I knew there was something in that look you gave me before you left me up here with a problem."

She grins. "Well now that business is over, how about some pleasure?"

"You know you don't even have to ask. What do you want to do to me the most?"

"I haven't gotten that far yet. Was gonna make it up as I went along. But I'm sure there's plenty of ideas in that head of yours." She sticks her hands through his hair.

He grinned and made a deep noise in his throat that was half chuckle half growl as he picked her up and slammed her against the wall. She braced herself as they moved for the hit, then opened her eyes and grinned. Giving a little hop, she wrapped her legs around him.

Some time later, the two slumped onto the couch. Joker with his legs hanging over the arm and head in Harley's lap. She was, surprisingly, effortlessly was running her hand through his hair. She was starting to glow as Billy knocked on the door. "Come on in, Suga." She gave a light playful tug at J's hair and continued to thread.

"Uh, hey, we were all wondering if we could renovate the place. We'd handle everything, naturally, and if you guys have input, we'd love to know. But mostly we don't wanna fuck up any plans already in place."

"Just don't compromise the security of the place. We need the warehouse to stay a decoy."

"We just wanna make the place more comfortable." With that he walked out.

"Be interestin' ta see what they do with the place."

"Indeed. But if it winds up more trouble than it's worth, I say we scratch it and start anew."

"So I was thinkin', Puddin'. Maybe it'd be a good idea to have an internal hacker. To join the kids. Someone not so easily manipulated." She smirks. She enjoyed visiting 'Corvette', but knowing he could be swayed as such worried her.

"Got someone in mind? Or this just you asking me to keep an eye out for a promising recruit."

"Just a thought."  
"I'll keep an eye out. Let's see what opportunities present themselves."


	8. Chapter 8

About a week later Harley received a call that the DNA results were in. She went to collect them secretly. On the way back she saw a flyer fir a technology expo at one of the Wayne hotels. "It seems Lady Luck is smiling on me today." She smiled, grabbed the flyer and headed home. As soon as she got back, she dropped the flyer in front of Joker. "Wanna look for some new toys?"

"A hot chick just gave me an invitation to an electronics expo and mentioned toys. This is the life."

"I got the DNA test back. I'm sorry, Puddin', Bats is the father."

"It's okay. I'll still be the daddy. Besides, I can always keep tryin, heh."

She leaned on him, tits on his shoulder. "Oh, you're 'Daddy' alright."

He grinned, kissed the nearest part of her and chuckled. "Good thing you're too much fun to chain to a stove."

"But then for once you'd be eating decent."

"Only once? No leftovers or sloppy seconds?"

"But why should you get the scraps when you have first dibs on the prime cut?"

"Just remind me to turn off the stove before diving in, that way you don't get accidently burned."

She smirks. "Whats one more addition to my character?"

He shrugged. "Maybe I'll just turn the heat fown. No sense turning my fine cuisine into dog food."

The expo had finally arrived. Harley had dressed in short, torn denim shorts and a bright green shirt with "There's no place like 127.0.0" printed across the front. She'd removed the paint and chose normal makeup, although suiting to her bright attire. Nothing about her looked at all abnormal except that she was hot. Joker, however, looked as interesting as usual. His jeans were worn, torn, and drawn all over, and a half untucked button-up, the long sleves were rolled up to his elbows. The hoodie he was also wearing, which he left half open, was sleeveless and with multiple patches displaying a wide assortment of various symbols and characters. He hid his scars under makeup. Harley was, naturally, attracting attention as she browsed the tables and booths. Each item she examined was accompanied by a discussion with whomever was working the display. Amazing thing for a good looking woman to know so much about technology. As she was keeping the attention of the attendants, Joker listened in for the correct component stats and mentally keept a mental shopping list to keep an eye oout for in the coming months. Some of thise breakthroughs will certainly enhance a few of his upcoming schemes. When she finished with the table, she latched herself to his arm as they began to browse. Something caught her eye and she darted over to a booth, leaving Joker behind. Bruce was making his rounds and was nearby. Looking over at one of the displays, her green shirt and red hair caught his eye.

Bruce stepped up beside the well disguised Joker. Not often one finds a young lady like that at one of these things, is it?"

Joker didn't even take his eyes away from her. "Who? My Dani girl? She's one of a kind."

"So I see. Lucky guy. If you don't mind me asking, how'd you do it?"

"Now that would be telling. And who's to say I wouldn't just lie to see if you'd believe me?"

Bruce chuckled. "If I captured the heart of a girl like her, I wouldn't tell either. Congradulations." She looked so familiar for some reason. Bruce just couldn't put his finger on it.

"Thanks. And you are..." He popped an eyebrow and looked briefly at the man beside him.

Bruce turned toward him. "From out of town?" He stuck out his hand. "Bruce. Bruce Wayne."

"Oh? Gotham's favored son, in the flesh. You know, I thought you'd be taller." He pointed grinning.

"I am. Just not to you." He grinned back. "So what is the name of that man that holds Dani's eye?"

"Steve. Steven Petticoat." He reached out for a hand shake. Hoping Bruce didn't notice the joy buzzer in his hand. Brucxe accepted. Feeling the small jolt, he jerked his hand back, a small sound of surprise.

At about this time, "Dani" walked over and and took "Steve's" arm. "And to think all of this is supposed to release in about a year." A small southern accent touched her voice. She looked over at Bruce. "Who's your friend, honey?"

"This is the man of the hour. Bruce Wayne of Waynetech Enterprises, who's toys we're pursuing today."

A short lived look of surprise crossed her face. "Why would he be down here mingling with the likes of us. I'm sure there are more important investors to attend to." She gave Bruce a skeptical look.

Bruce grinned. "I'm not so above the good people of the city that I can't see things from their perspective at times."

"I'm sure. So, Mr. Wayne, did you create all of these devices, or just have the ideas?"

"Some combination of both. The R&D department has my office on speed dial."

"Brains and money. I am impressed. Have any toys you don't sell? A secret stash perhaps?"

Bruce slides his eyes to Steve and grins. "That would be telling. How do you know I wouldn't just lie?"

"Because lying doesn't seem to be a product of Bruce Wayne's character." She gave Steve a look. "My boyfriend on the other hand."

Steve flicked the air above his head. "What, you don't trust this halo?"

"Personal experience testifies otherwise." She turned back to Bruce. "Well?"

"Let's just say I have first hand experience with every position available at my company, just as every good businessman should, even the product testers."

"So, are they up to Bruce Wayne standards?"

"I can't logically be held to understand every one of the company's thoousands of employees at a personal level, can I? I can barely remember my social security number."

She smirked. "I was talking about your inventions, Mr. Wayne."

"People seem pleased enough with what I've created."

"Good to know. On a lighter note, is the great Bruce Wayne a bachelor?" A sly smile touched her lips.

"Perpetually. I enjoy the single life. Too much to do to be tied down."

Dani glanced at her watch. "We better get going," She grasped Steve's arm. "We were supposed to meet Cass for lunch." She pulls out a notepad and scratches something down.

"Oh, do we have to? I hate how her purse pooch growls at me."

She slipped Bruce the paper she'd scrawled on and whispered to him. "Call me sometime. We'll talk tech." She went on and caught up to Steve.

Bruce gave a dejected groan, as if he was hoping for more. "Is that all?" She winked back at him.

Once they were out of ear shot she turned to Joker. "I saw how they looked at you. Amusing really."

"I think I gave them home, really," Joker replied. "That they, too, can get with a chick like you and keep him," He paused to jerk his thumb toward Bruce. "Off of her."

"Not that he was trying. Let's see if he takes the bait."

"Well, if the carrot doesn't work, it's gotta be all stick. What sort of trap is this, by the way?" He wondered out loud.

"Dunno yet. Thought I'd wing it."

"Perfect."

"This place has got me a little bored." She pouted.

He licked his lips. "Got any paint? This town would look great in red."

"Not this time. Could go get some down the street here." She grins. "Among other toys."

"My sweet mother, Hannah, used to say that the only difference between boys and men is the price of their toys. That's why she taught me about the discounts she could get."

"You and I both know you ain't got a mother."

"Never said Hannah birthed me, now did I?" He pulled back, blinked and licked his lip. "You mentioned toys. Which store were you thinking of?"

"The shop's a few blocks down."

He offered his elbow. "Shall we then, my dear?"

She took it, grinning. As they made their way toward destruction, her favorite pass time with Joker. General chaos tickled her, explotions got her blood pumping.

While in the store, he picked up a spool of thin wire, a hand saw, and sandpaper. She grabbed a few cans of spray paint and a sledge hammer. Once they had left the store, Joker pulled some glue and two packs of cards from his pocket. Handing these to Harley, he instructed her to put them someplace for the time being as he pulled out a new dremel she hadn't seen him grab.

"Let's go visit a friend." He grinned. "I've been waiting for a good time to rain on his parade. No time like the present."

Her smile matched his. "Oh how I love the sound of bargains."

His grin widened. He peeled off the fake cheeks used to cover up his scars and winked at her. "Let's see if you can guess how the deal closes." He pulled out a small, thin metal plate and worked it with the dremel until both sides looked very rough.

"Either way it'll be fun."

Joker looked for a good hiding spot. As soon as he was passed by a young man, he reached out and looped a strand of the wire he had around the young man's face. As he pulled back, the wire caught the stranger in the mouth, ripping through the cheeks. It went smoother than expected, as if there were wounds already present. Cheek mucsles were ripped as Joker pulled. When the stranger had staggered into the light, his face was finally visible. It was Billy.


	9. Chapter 9

"Well, look who just graduated!"

Harley started hopping up and down, clapping. "What's a graduation without celebration? I'll call the kids!"

"Not until the man of the hour decides what he wants to receive in remembrance of this momentous occasion." Joker looked down, smiling at the young man in question and expectancy.

"I want a blade. Go ahead and set up the party. I'll come back with a story."

Joker's smile widened. "Make it a good one," He patted the boy on his freshly ripped cheek, pulled away and rubbed his fingertips together. "I like 'em bloody."

She patted his head. "Now run along so we can go get your presents." She slapped his ass.

Billy's grin widened. "I like presents." They didn't see him for a week.

When Billy finally did arrive, Harley opened a side door. Two hyenas ran out, barking and growling, attempting to corner him for an attack. An instant later, he was on his knees, both animals pinned to the ground. He had his hands on their throats, choking them. "Hello..."

"Oh! Don't hurt them!" She rushed over and removed his grip. "They were just rescued from severe captivity!" They started licking her hands affectionately and she pet them tenderly. "A gift for the family. Just get 'em ta like ya first." He just grinned, snapped his fingers on both hands, and pointed at his feet. The two animals heeled on cue and licked his hands. She gave Joker a look. "He keeps this up you might have some competition."Joker gave her a grin that said the thought had occurred to him. Suddenly, her phone went off. She grinned and pitched her voice. "Hello? Oh, hi, Bruce." She took off some place quieter.

"Hey, Dani. Sorry you got upset at the zoo. I wanted to make it up to you. How's mini golf sound? I'm available next Wednesday."

"So you discovered my only poor skill. Have you been investigating me, Mr. Wayne?" Humor licked her words.

"Call it a lucky guess. Besides, I can get away with it."

She giggled. "Alright, Mr. Money. Wednesday is yours. Anything I should be aware of?"

"Little kids won't be present this time should you get the urge to pull out your soap box again."

"So long as there's no animals being held in severely confined 'habitats', I think you'll survive."

"No, just miniaturized buildings, some famous."

"Alright, Bruce, ya got me. I'll be there."

"Meet me at the same place as last time, just to keep it simple. I'll take care of everything else." With that, he hung up.

She headed back and plopped in Jay's lap. "He's takin' me out again, Puddin'. Nice car, loads of cash, and eating up the attention. Only thing he can't give me are the explosions I get from you." She swatted at a stray clump of his hair.

Joker only grinned at her and put a few more finishing touches on another Christmas present. "Have fun, Harl. I know I will."

She grins and turns back to the kids. "So, Billy. What happened to your face? Ya look great!" She ran her fingers through Joker's hair.

Billy smirked. It was so fast, it could have been a momentary grimace. "I did promise a story, and was told to make it a good one. I did my best. It all starts one night a week back, I was out running a few errands. Suddenly, I was being pulled to the ground with a wire in my face. I look up, and guess who I see. Go on, Fingers, Sally? Jill, venture a guess?"

"Pissed off the wrong mob boss?" Jill inquired.

Harley turned to Jay. "She'd make a good replacement one day. A little training..."

"Partial credit," Billy continued, grinning. "It was our dear benefactors. They can regale you on the finer details later. I headed out to pick up a few things I had tucked away for the occasion." He indicated his clothing and other effects. "First stop, though, had to be the hardest. I called all my old friends and family together for a dinner party. I didn't mention that I had spiked the punch. When the papers ran that day in sunny Blodhaven, the headlines told of 'Smilin' Jack' and how he attacked a whole family, leaving each of them with a gruesome grin. The sound of the whole room of people laughing themselves to death was like music to my ears." He paused for dramatic effect, and to gauge how his audience was taking it.

"And in a week? I'm impressed." Jill gave a small smile.

"Good shit, man," Fingers added.

"I like these kids," Harley thought out loud. Joker was just listening quietly.

"Shit, girl that was just day one! You can't embrace the future unless you sever all ties to the past. Day two, I started gathering some things I'd need to set up a new name. Contacts, resources, even set up a few fall guys. You can do a lot on the bank roll of a whole family who's e-wills all name separate aliases as their sole beneficiaries."

Harley listened. She heard everything he said, but her focus was on Jill. She really needed to see how -she- responded, -her- reactions. Jill was truly impressed. She'd always believed Billy an immature git with little brains. But he had pulled all of this off in a moment's notice.

"So, any questions?" Billy asked. "And no, Stacy, I'm not going to tell you all the little details. Not unless you ask for them. You're gonna have to earn that stuff."

"So kids, how shall we celebrate? What do you think, Jack?" New name, new life. He wasn't Billy anymore. Who was Harley to deny him who he was?

He looked at them all. "How about we just do whatever feels good." Stacy, as if on cue, dropped her head into Fingers' lap. Jack just shook his head. "Some people never change."

Harley kissed Jay's cheek. "I'll let ya plan the festivities, Puddin'." She raised her voice to be heard over everyone. "Jack, office." She stood and headed upstairs.

Jack got up. "Later, guys. Fingers, remember to bring her up for air. She tends to forget." With that, he headed up to the office. Once he had the door closed, she patted the seat next to her on the couch.

"I know that must've been hard, hun. I had to remove my own. Not too long after we recruited you lot."

He nods, the true weight of that shared burden showing in his eyes, and seeping out into the rest of him until his poise and demeanor transformed him into a younger looking Joker. "It had to happen. But I graced them with a death I'd spare for those most trusted. I hope they appreciate that. They died happy and together. Do you think they understand?"

"I'm sure they do." She wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "I'm sure if my family ever finds out what and why I did this, they would to. You hold the burden of extinguishing, I have to make sure mine never find out. When they die, I want them blissfully ignorant, believing me dead."

He looked at her a moment, the gears in his head were turning. "You'll always be hoping they never get wind of your true self. Where as I will always have this hole torn through me that they once filled."

"But see, I also have that hole. The day I made them believe I was dead, to lie to them in that extreme, ripped me apart. I know it killed them to be told I was declared dead. So I had to get rid of them so they would never know the truth. Still hurts some days."

"I imagine it always will. For both of us."

She squeezed his shoulder and gave a tender smile. "Laugh now, Jack. It'll be the only way to save you."

"Why do you think I gave such a performance as I did in there?" He reached over and patted her hand gently, braving a light peck on her wrist before releasing it. "A performance we'll both need to return to soon. Unless you'd like to give pre-emptive credence to the rumored reasons you know Stacy will come up with to explain our lengthy absence?"

"And so what if I wish to congradulate you in private?" She grinned and stood up. He followed her cue. "Oh, and Jack, if you ever need an ear... Let me know."

Into the sudden loneliness of the moment, he said, "Soon, but not yet."

She kissed his forehead before opening the office door. "Who's ready to celebrate?"

Jack, with grin in place, was on her heels. "Because the fun has arrived and I'm ready to rock!"

Wednesday arrived quickly. She was waiting patiently at the pickup dressed in jeans, sneakers, and a classic video game tee. She was examining her nails and cleaning the dirt out from underneath them. A black Rolls Royce pulled up, stopped, and the tinted passenger window was rolled down. "I heard you needed a ride to the ball."

She crossed her arms and smirked. "You just don't pass up a chance to show off your money do you?" She got in and buckled up.

Bruce shrugged. "If you've got it, flaunt it."

"A bit much for a simple trip to mini golf."

"Now you're putting words in my mouth. I never said it would be a simple game."

"And I never said 'game'. So what exactly -do- you have planned?"

"A quiet game of strip golf at the mansion."

"Only because you know you'll win. And if I refuse to play under such conditions?"

"Can't tell you that without a lawyer present."

She crossed her arms. "Ok, Mr. Wayne," She said challengingly. "Challenge accepted. I'll play by your terms."

"Since you're being such a good sport, I'll do you this courtesy. I'll give you a handicap and play in my boxers and undershirt. That way, all you need to manage is two under par."

"Oh, Mr. Wayne," Sarcasm licked her words. "Your generosity precedes your reputation." She grins.

"And here I thought my generosity and reputation were of equal renown."

She laughed and watched the city fly by through the window. She watched the route carefully as they drove to the mansion. At some point, they passed by two men talking that caught her interest. One she recognized as Joker without his paint, the other she didn't. He was college age and was wearing a face. She watched them until they were out of sight. _He's recruiting again already? And on his own?_ She thought.

Bruce noticed her attention waver and arched and eyebrow. "You know, I think that young man was wearing face paint. Isn't that sort of thing for little kids?"

"Depends. I've heard of music followings that wear face paint. Maybe he listens to the artists."

He shrugged. "Just seems a touch extreme to me, but I guess to each his own."

"We all have our quirks." She smiled. "Some more unusual than others."

"I'd be hard pressed to argue."

They had finally made it to the mansion. She didn't look impressed. She knew Bruce was wealthy. "Big flashy cars, big house, big ego... I think your compensating for something." She teased.

"That or hinting at a theme. I guess you'll just have to have a good golf game to find out." He winked.

"And narcissistic to boot. How could I have gotten so lucky?"

"Lucky draw. I'm not smart enough to stack a deck."

She laughed and shook her head. "I find that hard to believe." They finally made their way inside and to the course. She examined his physique as he stripped down. Not that he knew she'd seen it before. "Ditch the egotistical narcissism and you'd be a dream."

"But is the world really ready for a spoiled, rich, bachelor with a head on his shoulders?" He smirked. "No, better to be more believable, less perfect."

"Perfect to who? Media? It's all superficial nonsense." She waved her hand dismissively. "Only perfection is being yourself. People shouldn't be afraid, it's not going to bite."

"You sure? I've seen some with big teeth." She laughed and the game began. She made a few "lucky" shots and, after a while, he was down to nothing but his boxers. She was down to her bra and underwear. They were black with electric blue binary printed on them. Her body had temporary tattoos all over it. He nodded to a few of the tatts. "A lot of people hide old scars with tattoos, but I'd say you got hooked on them."

She looked at a few of them. "I like them. The art's pretty decent. But I change my mind like I change my clothes, so none of them are permanent." She looks back at him. "We all have our querks, I'm not afraid to be myself."

"Then why not wear the paint all the time?"

She smirked. Of course he knew. He was the God damned Batman. "Some days a girl just wants a bit of silence in her world. Why not always wear the mask?"

"Some days a guy just wants to feel the wind in his hair."

"But even days when you wear your mask, you never stop being 'The Batman'. Just as I'll never stop being me. And I do believe," She grinned. "We have reached a stalemate."

"FORE!" He Drove the ball straight to the green. "That we have, Samantha. Your move. Seven holes left and I'm still in my boxers. We might as well both stop holding back."

Her face twitched. "How's Jim handling it?" There was something in her voice. It was like venom. A closer, deeper examination would reveal fear, anger, and concern, but all sounded like spite. She made her shot, nailing the hole.

"Shaken, but he'll keep it to himself. Tha Carsons will never know, and neither will the media. I had to peek under the paint, though. Just like you did. I know about the kit you used. You didn't think I'd be told if someone turned up with some of my DNA?"

"Neither of us can expose the other without revealing ourselves." She sat somewhere between a smirk and a sneer. "A nice little tangle we're in. How long will this last?" She chuckled. "I'm gonna enjoy this little game."

"I know I am." His boxers were a bit tight suddenly.

She tossed down the golf club and starts to get dressed. "Raincheck." As simple as that, she left.

"I'll hold you to that." He called after her. He pulled up next to her in his Lamborguini Diablo, about five minutes later, as she was walking down the long driveway. "Want a ride?"

She side looks at the car and her hand twitched. "You time, your car. Up to you." She continued to walk, gears turning the whole time.

"I'm still not certain how to define our relationship, but I don't want you to walk the twelve miles into town." He unlocked the door, stopped and popped the door open. She fought with herself for a moment before finally, silently, getting in. She stared out of the window at nothing as she thought and he drove. She pulled out a sucker and popped it in her mouth. Bruce allowed her to think in silence. There wasn't much he could really say at this point.

When he stopped at their meeting place, she got out and mumbled a "Thanks" just as the door closed. He didnt have a chance to respond. She turned and walked off.

"You're welcome." He was the only one to hear it before he drove away.


End file.
